Not just ANY dishwashing liquid…

Not just ANY dishwashing liquid…

IMG_5688Three words: Heirloom Dishwashing Liquid.

This fine specimen of liquified soap, with which one might cleanse the scum and villainy off of one’s dishes – indeed, both fine china AND the plain wooden trenchers off of which one consumes everyday mutton chops and boiled potatoes – was passed down through your family over generations.

Your dear GrandMaMa, God rest her blessed soul, stated in her will that you, yes, YOU, her favorite grandchild, should inherit her most precious possession – her Original Fig-scented Heirloom Dishwashing Liquid. No need for something so common as an inheritance, when one has a bottle of soap that once belonged to HER grandmother, and her grandmother before her!

And there was that time that you took it to Antiques Roadshow and had it appraised… ah, what a fine day that was! The appraiser was instantly able to trace it back to a factory in the USA, and to think that it would fetch a handsome $15 – $23 per quart at auction at the Container Store or Amazon Dot Com nearly brought you to your knees with shock and gratitude.

And as to its dish-cleansing properties, well I say NEVER! Nay, never should you use your heirloom soap for something so base and low as ridding your plates and pans of stubborn grease or bits of stuck-on egg or the lingering scent of plants from the genus allium. Instead, proudly display your heirloom piece on a shelf next to your finest antiques, for THAT is the company that it truly should keep.

Escape (iphone photo)

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