Tired and befuddled

Sorry for the posting hiatus, but I have been very tired and busy lately. My energy levels have plummeted over the past week or so, even with the extra iron supplements I’ve taken.

Aquaman is more active than ever; I can feel him moving strongly a lot of the time. Doc and I have been having a lot of fun talking to him with our hands on my belly, and feeling him do acrobatics in there. His “kick counts” have been hovering right around 5 minutes — sometimes less — for 10 movements.

I look forward to the times when I can lie down quietly and feel him moving around. It is fascinating and it never gets old.

I worry that I’m not going to be a good mom, though. I have no idea what I’m doing, and I don’t feel particularly maternal. Last night I dreamed that he was born and he came out a kitten. Kittens, I know. Babies, I don’t.

Doc has been working very hard to get his studio consolidated, pared down, and moved into the other room. He also has rearranged the garage a bit and put some additional shelving in there for storage. By this weekend we might be ready to steam clean the carpets in the baby’s room, and start preparing it for painting. Our pile of stuff to put on eBay or otherwise sell or discard has grown exponentially. Know anyone in the market for pro audio gear, slightly out-of-date computers, or older computer software and games?

Next Monday night we have our first childbirth preparation class. I have no idea what to expect. Also on Monday is our 32 week doctor’s appointment. I can’t believe there’s just 8-1/2 weeks to go. Everything’s happening really fast now.

Congratulations to Bonnie and Tracy on the birth of their daughter last week, Josephine Theresa. She’s a cutie, and already wearing a tiara in her baby photos. Whatever direction life takes her, she’s going to be one brilliant kiddo with parents like that.

Also, happy birthday last Sunday to Doc, yesterday to Nate, and Monday to Joel! There’s just birthdays all over the place these days.

I’d like to go into a political rant, what with everything that’s going on these past couple of weeks with the presidential and vice presidential debates, the massive domino-effect bank failures, the unbelievable bailout package that’s being considered in Congress (why are these banks’ profits private, yet their debts are public?), etc. etc…. but I just don’t have the energy to come up with something to say about it all. I’m angry and nervous and disgusted and hopeful, but in all honesty I think that my pregnancy hormones are preventing me from forming coherent sentences these days. That’s not an excuse or anything; I really feel generally befuddled a large percentage of the time. I think it’s my brain doing what it needs to do to keep my stress levels lowered.

A few days ago in yoga class, something “clicked” in my head, and I suddenly came to the realization that it is now time for me to begin slowing down. Time for me to begin letting people help me more and do things for me. It was like a self-preservation mode turned on. I took it easy in yoga and didn’t test my limits, and then when I came home I did almost nothing that evening. If I am slower and befuddled now, so be it. My body’s doing this to me for a reason; I’m not going to fight it too hard.


  1. Peter

    Having trouble forming complete sentences? Female? Run for vice-president. Never mind all the competent/intelligent/wise women out there–they won’t have the right ‘image.’

    There is your political rant for you–’cause you asked for help. πŸ™‚

  2. Anonymous

    You are going to be a wonderful mother—you just don’t know it yet, but I do. You have so much love in your heart and are such a kind caring person that being a mother will just come naturally. You and Doc will make awesome parents. Lucky Aquaman!

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