Three words: Heirloom Dishwashing Liquid. This fine specimen of liquified soap, with which one might cleanse the scum and villainy off of one's dishes – indeed, both fine china AND...
Baby equipment overload
I ventured gingerly into Babies R’ Us last weekend, to get an overview of what was available and to begin making a list of what we might need and want.
These stores seem purposely designed to frighten or guilt you into spending WAY more money than I suspect you would ever need to. The sheer number of things — and varieties of each of those said things — is astounding.
I mean, there are infant car seats. Infant car seats, detachable from their bases, that double as carriers. Spare bases. Car seat undermats. Extra padding support. Regular car seats. Convertible car seats. Car seats that snap off their bases and attach into a stroller. At least four distinctly different types of stroller. Cribs. Convertible cribs. Cribs with attached changing tables. Separate changing tables. Dresser drawers the double as changing tables. Plain bouncers. Fancy bouncers. Bouncers that bounce themselves. Swings. Swings that swing themselves. Activity mats. Activity seats. Activity centers. Single baby gates. Baby gate systems. Baby gates that can also transform into play yards/baby jails. Ugly padding for every edged surface in your home. Playpens. Bassinets. Rearview mirrors. Nursing footstools. Wipe warmers (seriously!).
And that doesn’t even begin to get into the toy section (fun toys, learning toys, teething toys, plastic toys, plush toys, wooden toys, probably-toxic toys) or the baby care section (really? a separate bathtub for a baby?), the diaper pail section (do we really need something that uses expensive proprietary bags?), milk pumping and bottles, or the baby clothes, or the crib linens, or the room decor…
None of this overwhelmed feeling is alleviated by the baby store employees, who oh-so-helpfully greet you with an enormous packet of carefully designed marketing materials, outlining what is utterly ESSENTIAL to purchase for your new baby if you really love it. If you really love your baby, you apparently need to buy everything I mentioned above and then some.
Could it be that they are trying to guilt and confuse you into emptying your bank account into their coffers? Could it be that they prey on the ignorance and excitement of new parents, suggesting that we buy a whole lot of crap that we don’t need?
As my friend Brandie said, all you really need is boobies, diapers, and blankets.
Aquaman is kicking me right now, as if to say “Brandie’s right, that’s all I need, Mom!”