Three words: Heirloom Dishwashing Liquid. This fine specimen of liquified soap, with which one might cleanse the scum and villainy off of one's dishes – indeed, both fine china AND...
Cake, or death?
I was disappointed that I couldn’t get tickets to see Eddie Izzard’s performance here this coming June. Tickets sold out just a few minutes after they went on sale.
I am an evil giraffe, and I shall eat more leaves from this tree then perhaps I should, so that other giraffes may die.
There’s no Church of England fundamentalism. We can’t have Church of England fundamentalism. You know, like they have Islamic fundamentalism. Jihad! Church of England fundamentalism is impossible because you can’t have: “You must have tea and cake with the vicar… or you die!” Tea and cake or death! Students with beards, “Tea and cake or death! Tea and cake or death! Little Red Cookbook! Little Red Cookbook!” You know, ’cause, “Cake or death?” That’s a pretty easy question. Everyone, anyone could answer that.
“Cake or death?”
“Uhh, cake please.”
“Very well! Give him cake!”
“Oh, thanks very much. It’s very nice!”
[points] “You! Cake or death?”
“Uh, cake for me, too, please!”
“Very well! Give him cake, too! We’re gonna run out of cake at this rate. [points] You! Cake or death?”
“Uh, death, please. No, cake! Cake! Cake, sorry. …”
“You said death first, ahaaa, ahaaaa, death first!”
“Well, I meant cake!”
“Oh, all right. You’re lucky I’m Church of England! Cake or death?”
“Uh, cake please.”
“Well, we’re out of cake! We only had three bits and we didn’t expect such a rush! So what do you want?”
“What, so my choice is ‘or death?’ Well, then I’ll have the chicken, please.”